Does China Turn You Into a Jerk?
You know you’ve done it (if you’ve been here long enough). Kept Grandma back when she tries to cut in front of you in KFC. Forced your way out of the subway car in a less than polite way to push your way through masses of people. Cursed at the shop keeper who grabbed your arm one too many times.
Things you might not have dreamed of before coming to China. But you do them to stand up for yourself and people are doing the same thing to you so it’s okay, right?
You’re a Stranger, You Don’t Matter
This is the philosophy of many people in China – including many foreigners who have been here for a while. You can see it in the way people treat each other on the streets. Or with the bleeding bicyclist who isn’t helped until the police come.
In China, if you’re a stranger, you don’t matter. This applies even more to Chinese people than foreigners – while as a foreigner you will be treated with slightly more respect than the next guy or girl, you will still encounter a lot of behavior that comes off as just plain rude.
Crossing the Line
If you’ve lived in China for any significant length of time, your thought process on what is or is not acceptable behavior to strangers will most likely change. If you’ve been here several years and haven’t changed a bit, either you live in a sheltered world or you are a saint.
You also probably wouldn’t question it if I told you that lowering your shoulder, intentionally ramming into someone, or cutting in line yourself is the behavior of a true jerk.
But such behavior begs the question – where is the line between jerk and normal? And how many people come to China as nice guys or girls and end up acting like jerks to strangers?
What Do You Think?
This post is more full of questions than answers – so it would be great if you could take a stab at this question below. I’ve got my own thoughts on it hinted at in the post above, but would rather hear your perspective first.
Well Spoken….. The article also fits Vietnam quite well….. After living here for a number of years I concur, life and fitting the culture really is more about questions than answers, when you try so hard to wear your Vietnamese face only to be continually be reminded you are not never will be Vietnamese….. You get to the point you can’t conscience the “rude behaviour”, which you know many locals also hate….. then you can’t hold back on defending someone weaker (less imposing) than you, only to discover your assistance is considered more rude than the initial behaviour…… Yes indeed….. The only people with all the answers are the newbies or those who live in expat land and see the world through air conditioned windows.
Casual Adventurer – The only thing you can do is to improve your own behavior toward others, and to never be rude to others who have not been rude to you.
Being a white face in Asia, I’ve often been standing in line to make a purchase and have been cut off by a local (or a Chinese/Vietnamese tourist). I’m the quiet type, so I don’t typically make a fuss. It’s only when I’m in a hurry that I speak up or make a well heard attempt to call out the person who cut in front of me. If I’m not in a hurry then I let it slide, but I hold no respect for those without manners. It’s always nice, however, when the cashier notices that I was cut off and makes a wonderful effort to ignore the person who cut in front of me. Literally, the cashier will take my order as if looking straight through the person standing in front of me who cut me off. Such has only happened in Thailand so far.
Hey Jeremy,
That definitely is a good feeling – cashiers putting assholes in their place. It has happened about 10-15% of the times people have obviously cut in China, so more than a handful of times.
This is a good article. When I first arrived in Shanghai nine months ago I thought that people were extremely rude. Now, I find myself doing many of the things they do(except for the spitting). At first I tried to turn the other cheek and be polite, but now its like “would they do the same for me?” probably not.
Hi Neffy – These days very little phases or bothers me here… guess you just get used to a new normal.
Now I never get upset and then do something rude on purpose (in fact I try to be polite when it won’t result in me getting pushed out of the way, etc)… it’s just limited to accidental bump & run stuff.
Strange how your perspective continually changes.
I’ve actually started with the spitting thing. Damn.
Ricardo – new advertising campaigns leading up to the Olympics not working for you? The spitting thing is still disgusting.
入鄉隨俗嘛
I had a field day when I learned the Chinese expression for “When in Rome”. I feel China definitely makes me a worse person, swearing, spitting, cutting in line, pushing my way through crowds.
Where were you guys in ‘China’ that people lined up enough for someone to cut? Hong Kong? Something’s fishy… :p
Heh… Shenzhen. It’s not so bad, really.
Since writing this a lot of the bad habits I had picked up have mostly gone away, except when necessary.
Guess most of it doesn’t bother me any more.
I’ve been in China almost 3 years now and still can’t deal with the rudeness. I had a girl cut in front of me waiting to get on the bus the other day and in English I exclaimed “Damn you are rude!” she turned around and said in English “I’m so sorry”. Hmmmm….
The apartment complex I live in posted papers stating people should not throw stuff off their balcony as it might endanger others. Now, I’m not a rocket scientist, but throwing something from a height, say the 32nd floor, might KILL someone below!!
Spitting is a national pasttime ranks #2 behind Ping-Pong
Letting your child poop and pee on the street and in public trashcans is considered potty training.
That one long fingernail..Yikes!! It ain’t for snorting coke. It’s used to dig nose goobers and ear honey…..
Oh well, life is quite interesting here.
@ Nomad
I have been here for three months and I also have seen the creepy long fingernail. Ewwwww!
By the way, no one has ever mentioned disgusting BO.
DJWolff – you mean from the other foreigners? =)
It’s not so bad for most Chinese guys or girls, although it is strange that no one wears anti-perspirant
This is so true! Glad I’m not the only one who feels that way.
From people who intentionally veer into your path on the street to the institutionalized discrimination and avoidance of accountability.
Or if you hold the door for someone and they stride through it without acknowledgment like it’s your place – evil!
I used to unconditionally side with women who were manhandled. But in China, I’ve seen them be the ones who initiated the abuse, so no, I don’t get involved with their dramas.
But being mugged with a cinderblock to the back of my skull, forced to defend myself against two muggers while the crowd just watched indifferently, I just counted my blessings they didn’t all jump me in some jingoistic orgy.
Of course, the incident was my fault, the doorman told security. After all, the foreigner was the one who pushed first. When I think about my pregnant wife at home, my thoughts turn to fire and brimstone. For the muggers, but also for the culture that breeds such simplistic, delusional outgroup negativity bias along racial lines. “Oh, China is developing, be patient.” Pollyannas.
If the US made mistakes, why not learn from them today? Because it’s a handy rationalization for one’s own criminal psychology.
Ouch, JD, glad to hear you made it out of that situation okay.
Yeah, I’d be afraid that if someone jumped you and you defended yourself, that onlookers would assume it was you who did the attacking and gang up on the foreigner.
Way to go JD. I had a similar experience in Seoul last winter. 3 high schoolers trying to punk the uey-guk. 4yrs in the Marine Corps and a broken bottle sent them and their “eye tuning” girlfriends running. Thanks onlookers!!
Essentially, I’m here to make a fair income that I couldn’t make back home. I don’t have the interest or motivation to embrace China or any of its panda-licking goodness.
There are so many hygiene and etiquiette problems over here. Like a former friend had said to me, ‘China is intense’. I couldn’t agree more. The inevitable stresses of living in the land of China *will* get to even the most kind-hearted. I’ve seen it happen.
As for me, I’ve become more self-protectionist and indifferent towards most anyone. There is a necessary survival mentality that occurs with living in a crowded, dirty country lacking a tangible legal system. Your on own your own in China. You’ve been warned.
I don’t think China necessarily makes one a “jerk.” I think it mainly depends on the individual. One needs to seperate “jerk” behavior as opposed to “survival” behavior. The true foreigner jerks do rude behaviors and do so while looking down on the rest of the populace. Normal foreigners are just being rude to get by, just like all of the other Chinese. As every other post suggests: China is a tough place. Not a place for sissies. Since coming back from China, nothing phases me in the United States. People are a bunch of spoiled weaklings here. They complain about so much irrelevant crap. Try living in China. Then you’ll have something to bitch about. Anyway, as annoying as the Chinese can be, at least they are real.
@HowietheFink…
“As for me, I’ve become more self-protectionist and indifferent towards most anyone.”
Tick that box.
If I witnessed a 7 car serious pile-up here, I’d
think – “idiots you deserve it”… because of your ridiculous driving.
In Australia I’d be calling 000 (911) and kicking in car windows to pull victims out potentially burning wrecks. With plenty of help from burly male passers-by who’d pull over and join in.
J.
Could not agree with more with the general consensus here. I’ve been in China for two years now and also find myself becoming more “jerkish”. Back in Canada i’d be the first one there to help a motorist or somone who appears to be distressed, same as Hamieson. But here I just try to ignore it. It’s hard at first when all of your sensibilities are crying out for you to help.
Thankfully I have not resorted to the spitting or the pushing and shoving. But I do find myself wanting to punch a few people in the face at least a few times a day. =)
I too found myself become more rude after a while. I’ve only spend 5 months in China, and it’s been 6 months now since I got home..and sometimes I still feel I can bump into someone that doesn’t seem to notice me while walking on the street. I have to control myself though, as Dutch people aren’t like the Chinese. Yes, we are rude sometimes, but in the mean time, we also get offended really easy if someone is rude to us..
So..not the nice girl I used to be, but I’m sure that when I’ll go back to China, I would have to get used to the ‘rudenesss’ all over again anyway. You gotta love the Chinese and their mysterious ways;-)
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You didn’t mention the STARING ! That the Chinese make you feel like a Zoo animal in a cage that is their for their amusement. Pointing. Fetching other family members to look too.
Or that they think it is okay to mock you to your face on a bus or on the Metro thinking you can’t understand their Devil’s tongue of a ‘language’.
Can you imagine any circumstances where any Westerner would even bat an eyelid at a Chinese person our own country ?
This country turns us into the kind of people i’m sure we all swore we would never become.
Hey Andy,
I gotta agree with you, it’s true that many chinese people likes to point and stare at foreigners as if they are from Mars or something…
by the way, this is coming from a native Chinese person
This is only because that China is not a diverse country. I mean, sure, we got 56 different nationalities, but we all look the same (from a foreigner’s point of view). This is only the beginning;I’m sure that things will be much better for the next few decades.
But if you think of it from another point of view, the whole chinese culture is this way. I mean, when I was young, I was taught that I had to present the best of everything to guests…from food to presents, you name it. So when foreigners come in to this country, people are gonna stare, point, etc, but there are also those that respect you, sometimes even respect foreigners more than the natives…
and this leads to another topic… why do some chinese people respect foreigners more than the natives? It’s got to a point where if you own a corporation in China, you have to have at least 2 or 3 foreigners working (as vice president or president) for you. If not, other chinese corporation simply won’t sign a deal with you…
I haven’t started spitting, cursing, cutting in line, or urinating in public, but I do push a bit when exiting buses and subway cars.
what really bugs me are the bikes that don’t even break for pedestrians when the walk light’s green.
What is with the dumb asses that stand in front of the bus exit door but have no intention of getting off for several stops? I now almost knock them over (on purpose) to teach them a lesson as to why that might not be the brightest idea.
I saw some parent holding their kid over a trashbin/ashtray in a department store while the kid peed in it. I looked at them in disgust and shook my head. They then tried to use English with their kid while we shared an elevator as if that was going to redeem themselves in my eyes.
I agree with most of the stuff people in here write. But one good thing is, that being in China makes you appreciate your own country more …
After reading the article and all comments with great interest, I can’t stop laughing. What I see from you guys is just like as the same situation as I had when I first started my life in Netherlands 3 years ago. Let’s fairly call it culture shock.
I was so suprised and confused when the people in fron of me hold the door for me for the first time in Holland.”Do we know each other? Does he wanna talk to me?” something like these came across my mind at that moment. Later I realized it was just a common custom in the country.
I also kept complaining the rudeness of Dutch poeple, how could they speak out whatever in their mind without caring and even regardless some words could get people hurt or awkward.
The dramatic noise they will make when blowing their nose doesn’t matter where they are is another shocking issue.
But I gradually understand most of their behaviors and found out all the actions you see are derived from a kind of culture which, deep down, raises up these people. There is always a reason behind it not just as simple as a rude, weird, or ridiculous movement in our eyes.
I was born in Shanghai, then spent 3 years in Netherlands, now have a life in Czech Republic, which revoluted Communism to Capitalism 20 years ago. Apparently, Communist influence can still be traced everywhere. The country is a mixture. People are so characterized in these 3 countries. If you are stuck in a country other than your hometown for whatever reasons, try to appreciate the culture there and watch it instead of comparing with your own country.After all,it’s not your home. You probably will have more fun by watching it as a guest.
I read this with great interest and i’m glad that I’m not alone. Actually I myself too is of chinese origins but I was born and rise in Singapore.
Before coming to China (beijing), I was absolutely amazed by the deep chinese culture and language (watching CCTV and chinese films). But after coming over for just slightly over 2 weeks, my tolerance is already wearing thin. I have witnessed and experienced almost everything said here about how rude, boorish and inconsiderate the chinese people were. I came about this website while trying to search for some strategies to deal with them.
I’ve lived in Australia and find Australia to be such a beautiful country and the people are so gracious and lovely. After learning so much goodness from the australia people, I think I’ll be doing myself a great disservice if i’m to allow myself to become like the china’s chinese.
I think we just have to learn not to take their bad behavior too personally. With better education for the new generation, I believe they will become better over time. Meanwhile, as we learn to fight for our rights and defend ourselves in this hostile country, we must be careful not to become one of them ourselves…
Good points all around. About a week ago I was in line to see the Buddha Tooth relic at Badachu along with a family of rather well mannered middle-classish Chinese, and while we were in the rather long line waiting to see the relic, people were literally pushing the entire time. It brought be to a small conflict of morals as part of me wanted to let it slide, since this was, after all a temple, but part of me really wanted to start tossing elbows at the devout old women shamelessly stepping between us. It was maddening
Really though, its the public transportation that is the most corrosive to one’s sense of polite behavior. fun stuff.
Yes, it’s true that Chinese people can be rude. But it is not just them. Other countries (especially the poorer ones) can be worse.
I think countries that are richer have nicer people. However, they can be stuck-up and look down on foreigners. So I think it goes like this:
Wealthier countries have more polite but stuck-up people.
Poorer countries have ruder but people who look foreigners.
…I guess a lot of Chinese like foreigners because they’re successful (and the Chinese love success). And because they are a little racist…
Either way, if someone is rude to you, don’t back off. Face them. Chinese men can be full of themselves (but really are nothing) and Chinese women can just be
sissies, but they generally aren’t very good at confronting
people.
They do little things to you ONLY if they think you can be pushed around.
Interesting topic. We always remained polite while in China, and don’t believe we became jerks at all.
However, the American couple, Andy and Katrina (aptly named!) absolutely hell-raised us at four in the morning with extremely loud music they played while in a drunken, drugged stupor. They did this time after time, and made our lives a living hell. This was in the sanctity of a university in Guangdong Province, near Hong Kong. so, be careful, some of your fellow expats could indeed be complete jerks and losers. We find the peoplle in China to be wonderful, and have learned a lot from them.
I find my students in China to have much higher principles, to be much more educated, and be of much better character than those back in the States. My children are way ahead of the students in American schools due to their experiences in China. If I am not in China, I always miss China. Fond memories of wonderful people.
It is pretty damned rude (not to mention) irritating how Chinese people love to cut queues & push around.. But growing up my Chinese mom has always told me to put up with it. I guess that’s another cultural difference and honestly, if we learnt how to stand up for ourselves, these rude people will be put in their places!
So why are Chinese people so rude?
that’s a nice discussion going on here. I’m an expat in Shanghai. I still see many Chinese people as rude. that’s because of my upbringing, our own culture. it’s a matter of comparison. I think most times the Chinese do not mean to be rude, that’s just normal behaviour, the way they were taught, their “training”. to me, the general Chinese rudeness in public places looks primitive and animalistic on 99% occasions, which leads to think this must be an education issue. basically, rudeness is a characteristic feature of any poorly educated social mass. politeness and courtesy is a luxury. that’s the answer. can you afford the luxury? you do? good for you. that’s the very definition of luxury – unavailable to most people. so, why don’t we (the polite ones) just keep on happily complaining about the rudeness of the people. this is just a way of displaying one’s status.
ok. so, we do not like the rudeness in China, so we complain about it (called bitching). now, what are we gonna do about it? … see? so, if we don’t have a solution to improve anything, we better take things as they are. a propos, there are masses of rude people over in Europe, America, Australia… Dudu’s comment above is a nice bit of reality check for some laowais.
this is the environment we live in. learn to swim.
I have met many wonderful Chinese people. Educated, professional, smart, brilliant, fascinating. Let’s choose the people we socialize with. This is one good way of making your own environment.
however, this communal exchange of views is necessary and healthy. It helps a number of individuals. If I had no chance to compare my ideas and feelings with other expats, I believe it would be quite hard on my mental health.
So let’s keep sharing those bits and pieces. After all, this is a polite thing to do, ain’t it?
sorry, here is my answer: no, living in Shanghai, China has not turned me into a jerk. It is not turning me into a jerk.
When I feel that I’m a jerk, then I’m a jerk, even if I’m the only one who knows it.
If everybody else thinks I’m a jerk, and I know I’m not – then I’m not a jerk, just out of place.
An old saying goes “to live with the wolves means to howl like a wolf”. But, to live with the wolves is not the same as living among the wolves.
I didn’t see it mentioned here but I do know that one reason Asia is seemingly unkind to westerners is that they understandably dislike the west’s common superstition that they will burn in hell for eternity because they aren’t christian. I applaud them for that. I know from living in thailand that here they are far, far kinder, polite and honest than westerners.
It is not rudeness, they are just lack of courtesy as sweettawker said. I also want to add that China has been scares of resources. Yes we were poor when Qing collapsed and civil wars followed, but I would argue that China is also poor during Qing dynasty for at lest 200 years. All the years with scares of resources will train people to have animalistic instinct, such as “never line up” because if you wait you wont get anything. Also HOARDING food, clothes,containers and materials that seems to be garbage to modern people are treasures in their eyes, and they can put them into use. “Free stuff!” mentality (ie: I must get it because it’s free. if I don’t get it other people will get it too. it is my loss if I don’t get it because everyone is getting it.) “Fix it!” Every thing can be fixed by yourself. that includes all furnitures clothes, simple electronics such as fans, radio, cooker. Fix everything that are fixable, don’t buy new. Buying cost money!!. poor people are also power sensitive, they are afraid if you’re powerful and mad. They will apologize and go into “whatever you said” mode. However if they figure out they are more powerful then you, they will take advantage of you. if you don’t make a sound, they’ll try again. now you’re furious, well, they apologized and play nice.
I believed that the concept of equality have little role in China, because people belittle others when possible, and others belittle them when possible. Power comes from strength, wealth, network(family and friends), background and particularly 勢（shi) (atmospheric momentum). Chinese people are highly shi-sensitive. They know when to escape when shi is not on their side. People are also gearing towards the side who has greater shi, so they can feel powerful for a moment. All these mechanism, although are part of human nature, do not lead to equality, respect and freedom which are considered “modern” today.these mechanism are called bullying and survival. Who knows, maybe bullying were once considered to be desirable in human history and those who master this skill got to survive. Modern people would never understand how it works.
Ironically Chinese wants to label themselves as civilized,modern and advance, while keeping all the principles that are different from the western standards.
The rude thing I don’t do causes the rude thing I do. Let me explain.
The splashing of human DNA all over the place willy nilly-it drives me crazy! The spitting…Oh the spitting. No matter how long I live here I will never assimilate to this particular practice. It’s a bio-hazard! You can get hepatitis and a whole host of things from coming into contact with saliva. It’s just bad social living. It’s like a basic animal instinct not to poop, pee, spit, or otherwise secrete where you live. Even dogs don’t pee and poo where they play and live. I saw an 8 year old pooping next to a trash can outside a mall in the city center the other day! Don’t malls have toilets…?
When I first arrived in China I tried to be zen about it. I told myself I was a relativist, that I didn’t have to go around expecting other people to live the same way, that I could dig that culture is a powerful and arbitrary force.
Over time that zen has given way to the worst kind of open judgment sometimes bordering on harassment on my part. I’ve become more than a jerk about spitters, poopers, what have you. I can’t hide my disgust any more, even though I try, even though I want to. I find myself openly letting out groans of disgust and giving deliberate full eye contact death stares at people who spit phlegm on the street. I mean, it’s at passive intimidation levels, especially when they do it near my house or in my neighborhood.
The thing is, I know rationally that it’s so rude on my part to judge in this way and to make my judgment so aggressive and clear, but it’s like this involuntary tick. Before I know it I’ve let out a venomous “uuuuuugh” sound and made the “wtf?” body position. I feel really bad about it.
You don’t need to go to China to see this behavior. I live in a city that has an influx of Chinese and even though they are much more under control than those described here, the whole thing fits. We tend to take the whole valuing the neighbor thing for granted and this is simply not in their culture. That said, having a rough go of it makes you more of a predator. I see it in myself the few instances of being acutally hungry etc. So it is a combination of wealth (we have the luxury of giving a shit about the rain forests, good conduct etc.) and the judeo-christain (dare I add muslum?) idea of being a good neighbor. In Somalia, if you leave your house for more that 10 minutes, the neighbors loot the place! Additionaly, within a family, politenes is seen as lacking closeness or so I am told. (Salt!, not please pass the salt.) Really we cannot judge them unless we have been through the same circumstances. That does not mean that we need to be doormats.
I’ve been here for almost 7 months now. Old ladies clearing their throats and spitting used to give me the willies. Now I could care less. I live in Shanghai and I’m the only laowai in my neighborhood. I think it’s funny that they stare at me. It’s kind of like being famous or something. When in Rome do as the romans do. They are not being rude, that’s just the culture. I laugh whenever I see a 1 year old taking a crap on the sidewalk. The worst is at KFC or getting on the bus. There are no lines to get in and little old ladies will cut you off. Watch out for them coming in on your right or left and move appropriately to stop them. They won’t mind.
What a great country. Just don’t plan on using your new habits when you go back to your home country.
Love this thread and I am happy to see the absence of swearing or making it political.
I have been living in China for 12 years. Used to live in Beijing, now in Shanghai. I was a student before, have had all sorts of jobs and have been to 90% of the provinces. I have worked with a range of people, both local and imported. Ate all sorts of foods. Read, write and speak the language (Mandarin, that is). Been a best man at weddings. Engaged to a lovely Beijing girl. Have had problems with the police. And have seen the changes (most of them for the better) in Beijing and Shanghai over the years. In other words, I have been around. Having said that, the more I am here, the more I find out how little I understand.
I know I have adopted some rude behaviour as well – even though I do it with a smile (always works here). When in Rome, right? Psychologically it is normal to take on the behaviours of your surroundings: it’s called social proofing. A basic phenomenon for survival where you match others.
Now, to spice up the conversation, here are some things to consider and I would love to hear back:
1. When we have been in Shanghai for 7 months, is it fair to generalise by saying “the Chinese”? Isn’t that as ignorant as talking about “Westerners”? Asians are not only Chinese, and Westerners are not only from the U.S.
2. What is rude behaviour really? I probably classify “rude” and “civilised” similarly to the respondents in this thread, but we all know what is normal here, can be rude somewhere else.
3. Seek first to understand: are we really trying to understand behaviour? Because once you understand it (or at least a little bit) you begin to empathise. You don’t have to agree with it, but it will change your perception of the world and make it a bit more livable.
I choose to live here, however good or bad it gets. I have a passport and have the luxury of choice to live somewhere else. What would you say if your foreign neighbour bitches about the place you live in every day? After a few days, you’d probably say “sod off then”.
Oh, and one more:
An old Beijing friend of mine once said: “If only 1% of people are a bit of a prick, can you imagine how many we have here in China??”
Power of numbers, people.
Its been two years and now I am getting peed off.
I have lived in Shanghai for two years and I love the Traditional culture, the food, and most of the people I have come in contact with.
I am a teacher and I love my work here,I know it is appreciated.Most of the Cultural Oddities that people have mentioned are to be expected,it has evolved, often out of neccessity.
But what I find annoying is the disregard that many show to LAWS and Regulations.Authorities are trying to modernize and educate the people to a more internationally accepted standard of behaviour.Especially considering China’s hugely increased international importance,economically.
But many just ignore the rules.
I have come within inches of being struck by vehicles whilst trying to cross the street(when the little man was green);but I stand my ground and stare them down pointing to the green pedestrian light.
I have stopped the elevator door from closing until the cigerate was disposed of.
I have pulled people who were trying to cut in,aside and showed them the back of the line.
I have stopped people from pushing into the elevator,until those exiting have done so.
Others have said they have been told to put up with it.To put up with it is to accept it.Others have questioned what are we doing about it;I am taking ACTION. If we don’t show them that we object, then they will continue doing it.I have often found that they will back down;because they know you are right.
We must take an active role in trying to help re-educate SOME of the older generation and some of the younger generation who have been misled.
Having said all this I will reiterate that I do love living here,the people the food the History etc.
But we need to help,and sometimes that help has to be a little more IN YOUR FACE for them to get the message.
chinese need to learn and demostrate good manners in all feilds
/areas to gain back respect acting like a jerk just makes enemies not friends.
good chinese surely understand that.
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people are rude across the world. yes, more bizarre things seem to happen when you’re living in china, and yes, it often makes one want to rip one’s hair out BUT it in no way justifies watching when someone is in pain or is hurt. yeah they drive like crap here and bikers and cyclists don’t seem to know what a traffic light is, and yes people just randomly cross streets but don’t leave your humanity at the airport on your way into china. i know most people are being cynical but damn, to say that in your home country you would help people in distress and not so much here…come on guys.
2011/12/23
My background: Chinese heritage, raised/educated/matured/aged in Canada. I view myself as a Canadian.
Some thoughts: To be stared at.
Homo sapiens tend to stare at things/matters that are unknown and/or unfamiliar to them. The “locals” WOULD give outsiders a second glance if the outsider appears, sounds, behaves differently from what the “locals” are used to.
Personal experience: I enjoyed the streets of Paris, Rome, Amsterdam etc. on my 1980 trip to Europe without attracting much attention to myself. Ditto London pubs. However, once I crossed Checkpoint Charlie, the people on the streets of East Berlin would simply stop what they were doing and stare. The same thing happened in Prague. Pedestrians would alert their companions or children and direct attention (by pointing) towards someone they have never seen in their collective lives. Me. I was probably the very first Oriental that they have ever set eyes on. Should I be offended? Or just grin and bear it. I chose the latter.
Observation: on the same trip, I heard more than once from fellow North American female travellers, Canadian or American, commenting negatively on how European women don’t bother to shave their armpits. (Yes, it was a sweltering summer and many women wore sleeveless tops.) People in North America are conditioned to practice personal hygiene their own way yet as we see the unfamiliar, we stare/comment. Yes, I did look but managed to keep my mouth shut.
Adapt. No matter how alien or foreign a gesture, behaviour or action may be to one group of individuals, they may be viewed as the norm by another. If one wishes to join, befriend, or do business with Chinese on their homeland, adapt. My colleagues and I visit the United States on business regularly. We tried to acclimatise to the American way when we are conversing or negotiating. At the end of a work day, we might discuss the NFL (American football) and not the NHL (ice hockey) with our American counterparts. We will talk about the Republicans and Democrats and not the Conservatives and Liberals. We may believe multiculturalism instead of melting pot but we won’t denounce what we do not believe or promote what we support.
I visited China once in 1984. Did people there stare at me like the ones in Prague did? Yes. Because they can easily tell I was an outsider. My jeans and Nikon SLR with telephoto lenses were dead giveaways. Although I should be able to blend right in if I dressed like the locals and visited a local barber. As long as I kept quiet no one can tell I was not one of them. But I know I will not become part of them unless I adapt. I will forever be a foreigner to them and stares coming my way may lessen but never cease.
In some ways living in China may make you worse, but in many other ways it surely makes you better. After living in China and mixing with the Chinese for a while, I find I am less cynical and more helpful with friends if they need anything, which is a Chinese way to behave.
I have been very appalled by the seemingly oblivious disposition of the crude and unruly here in China.
Its just so mindnumbing the relentless display of boorish unsympathetic behaviour these people have a tendency for. My pet peeves are vast, from motorcyclist riding on the wrong side of the road almost running me over. To the odd girl or guy just blocking the entrance to any given situation, bus door, shopping centre queue, elevator, bridge stairs …you name it, they are doing it… aimlessly. It just warms my cockles when they get a swift kick in the pants by another more boorish chinese who is even more obnoxious and impatient than them. LOL. But enough of the obvious complaints.
Chinese people will have you know very early on about their apparent bluntness and lack of consideration or respect when asking you very probing and unnecessarily rude questions. And the attitudes are laughably appalling at times too. I once had a girl asking me some questions in an extremely convoluted way in her broken english. It just made her seem so unrefined and uncivilised. The conversation went abit like this.
Her: Hi you new for China?
Me: Yes just a few months.
Her: ah how can trip be so new?
Me: What?
Her: Um how long you stay for trip?
Me: 6 months maybe
Her: WAH!! So long? You not work?
Me: Not now I am looking into that.
Her: You no like work? Wow you rich guy huh!
Me: *thinking hmm wtf
No I just dont have a job here yet
Her: Huh! you dont care the money? if run out u go back to your city lah
Me: Yes well I miss my city sometimes
Her: You miss you city? are you baby? grow up how can big man miss city… you cry of miss city?
Me: Hmmmm *thinking wtf are you smoking girl….i dont know what planet you stepped off from….. I have to go now it was nice chatting to you.
Her: Uh? you like me? I nice huh?
Me: Whatever I’m getting a cab, good luck picking up a foreigner tonight
Her: Hey you go upto you? I think if you like me you dont going so soon
Me: Um, I said nice to meet you… I dont mean I want you because you are so nice… ah forget it
Her: Ah dont understand u talk funny for foreigner haha
Me: Hmmmm well its been good knowing you
Her: Huh you know me? So you mean want date me now? I dont like date you.. I prefer guy who job and future.
Me: Um this is very painful because my brain is leaking so I need to see a doctor now
Her: You want doctor you go then, why come here to bar if sick… so silly the foreigner hehe
Me: I’m coming back with a 12 gauge… please don’t run away
Her: EH dont understand strange talk man
Me: Nevermind Goodbye
Her: Hey why not buy me drink lah! so cheap huh.
Me: Lord give me strength! Serenity Now! *Exits building