Does China Turn You Into a Jerk?
You know you’ve done it (if you’ve been here long enough). Kept Grandma back when she tries to cut in front of you in KFC. Forced your way out of the subway car in a less than polite way to push your way through masses of people. Cursed at the shop keeper who grabbed your arm one too many times.
Things you might not have dreamed of before coming to China. But you do them to stand up for yourself and people are doing the same thing to you so it’s okay, right?
You’re a Stranger, You Don’t Matter
This is the philosophy of many people in China - including many foreigners who have been here for a while. You can see it in the way people treat each other on the streets. Or with the bleeding bicyclist who isn’t helped until the police come.
In China, if you’re a stranger, you don’t matter. This applies even more to Chinese people than foreigners - while as a foreigner you will be treated with slightly more respect than the next guy or girl, you will still encounter a lot of behavior that comes off as just plain rude.
Crossing the Line
If you’ve lived in China for any significant length of time, your thought process on what is or is not acceptable behavior to strangers will most likely change. If you’ve been here several years and haven’t changed a bit, either you live in a sheltered world or you are a saint.
You also probably wouldn’t question it if I told you that lowering your shoulder, intentionally ramming into someone, or cutting in line yourself is the behavior of a true jerk.
But such behavior begs the question - where is the line between jerk and normal? And how many people come to China as nice guys or girls and end up acting like jerks to strangers?
What Do You Think?
This post is more full of questions than answers - so it would be great if you could take a stab at this question below. I’ve got my own thoughts on it hinted at in the post above, but would rather hear your perspective first.
Well Spoken….. The article also fits Vietnam quite well….. After living here for a number of years I concur, life and fitting the culture really is more about questions than answers, when you try so hard to wear your Vietnamese face only to be continually be reminded you are not never will be Vietnamese….. You get to the point you can’t conscience the “rude behaviour”, which you know many locals also hate….. then you can’t hold back on defending someone weaker (less imposing) than you, only to discover your assistance is considered more rude than the initial behaviour…… Yes indeed….. The only people with all the answers are the newbies or those who live in expat land and see the world through air conditioned windows.
Casual Adventurer - The only thing you can do is to improve your own behavior toward others, and to never be rude to others who have not been rude to you.
Being a white face in Asia, I’ve often been standing in line to make a purchase and have been cut off by a local (or a Chinese/Vietnamese tourist). I’m the quiet type, so I don’t typically make a fuss. It’s only when I’m in a hurry that I speak up or make a well heard attempt to call out the person who cut in front of me. If I’m not in a hurry then I let it slide, but I hold no respect for those without manners. It’s always nice, however, when the cashier notices that I was cut off and makes a wonderful effort to ignore the person who cut in front of me. Literally, the cashier will take my order as if looking straight through the person standing in front of me who cut me off. Such has only happened in Thailand so far.
Hey Jeremy,
That definitely is a good feeling - cashiers putting assholes in their place. It has happened about 10-15% of the times people have obviously cut in China, so more than a handful of times.
This is a good article. When I first arrived in Shanghai nine months ago I thought that people were extremely rude. Now, I find myself doing many of the things they do(except for the spitting). At first I tried to turn the other cheek and be polite, but now its like “would they do the same for me?” probably not.
Hi Neffy - These days very little phases or bothers me here… guess you just get used to a new normal.
Now I never get upset and then do something rude on purpose (in fact I try to be polite when it won’t result in me getting pushed out of the way, etc)… it’s just limited to accidental bump & run stuff.
Strange how your perspective continually changes.
I’ve actually started with the spitting thing. Damn.
Ricardo - new advertising campaigns leading up to the Olympics not working for you? The spitting thing is still disgusting.
入鄉隨俗嘛
I had a field day when I learned the Chinese expression for “When in Rome”. I feel China definitely makes me a worse person, swearing, spitting, cutting in line, pushing my way through crowds.
Where were you guys in ‘China’ that people lined up enough for someone to cut? Hong Kong? Something’s fishy… :p
Heh… Shenzhen. It’s not so bad, really.
Since writing this a lot of the bad habits I had picked up have mostly gone away, except when necessary.
Guess most of it doesn’t bother me any more.
I’ve been in China almost 3 years now and still can’t deal with the rudeness. I had a girl cut in front of me waiting to get on the bus the other day and in English I exclaimed “Damn you are rude!” she turned around and said in English “I’m so sorry”. Hmmmm….
The apartment complex I live in posted papers stating people should not throw stuff off their balcony as it might endanger others. Now, I’m not a rocket scientist, but throwing something from a height, say the 32nd floor, might KILL someone below!!
Spitting is a national pasttime ranks #2 behind Ping-Pong
Letting your child poop and pee on the street and in public trashcans is considered potty training.
That one long fingernail..Yikes!! It ain’t for snorting coke. It’s used to dig nose goobers and ear honey…..
Oh well, life is quite interesting here.
@ Nomad
I have been here for three months and I also have seen the creepy long fingernail. Ewwwww!
By the way, no one has ever mentioned disgusting BO.
DJWolff - you mean from the other foreigners? =)
It’s not so bad for most Chinese guys or girls, although it is strange that no one wears anti-perspirant
This is so true! Glad I’m not the only one who feels that way.
From people who intentionally veer into your path on the street to the institutionalized discrimination and avoidance of accountability.
Or if you hold the door for someone and they stride through it without acknowledgment like it’s your place - evil!
I used to unconditionally side with women who were manhandled. But in China, I’ve seen them be the ones who initiated the abuse, so no, I don’t get involved with their dramas.
But being mugged with a cinderblock to the back of my skull, forced to defend myself against two muggers while the crowd just watched indifferently, I just counted my blessings they didn’t all jump me in some jingoistic orgy.
Of course, the incident was my fault, the doorman told security. After all, the foreigner was the one who pushed first. When I think about my pregnant wife at home, my thoughts turn to fire and brimstone. For the muggers, but also for the culture that breeds such simplistic, delusional outgroup negativity bias along racial lines. “Oh, China is developing, be patient.” Pollyannas.
If the US made mistakes, why not learn from them today? Because it’s a handy rationalization for one’s own criminal psychology.
Ouch, JD, glad to hear you made it out of that situation okay.
Yeah, I’d be afraid that if someone jumped you and you defended yourself, that onlookers would assume it was you who did the attacking and gang up on the foreigner.