Does China Turn You Into a Jerk?
You know you’ve done it (if you’ve been here long enough). Kept Grandma back when she tries to cut in front of you in KFC. Forced your way out of the subway car in a less than polite way to push your way through masses of people. Cursed at the shop keeper who grabbed your arm one too many times.
Things you might not have dreamed of before coming to China. But you do them to stand up for yourself and people are doing the same thing to you so it’s okay, right?
You’re a Stranger, You Don’t Matter
This is the philosophy of many people in China - including many foreigners who have been here for a while. You can see it in the way people treat each other on the streets. Or with the bleeding bicyclist who isn’t helped until the police come.
In China, if you’re a stranger, you don’t matter. This applies even more to Chinese people than foreigners - while as a foreigner you will be treated with slightly more respect than the next guy or girl, you will still encounter a lot of behavior that comes off as just plain rude.
Crossing the Line
If you’ve lived in China for any significant length of time, your thought process on what is or is not acceptable behavior to strangers will most likely change. If you’ve been here several years and haven’t changed a bit, either you live in a sheltered world or you are a saint.
You also probably wouldn’t question it if I told you that lowering your shoulder, intentionally ramming into someone, or cutting in line yourself is the behavior of a true jerk.
But such behavior begs the question - where is the line between jerk and normal? And how many people come to China as nice guys or girls and end up acting like jerks to strangers?
What Do You Think?
This post is more full of questions than answers - so it would be great if you could take a stab at this question below. I’ve got my own thoughts on it hinted at in the post above, but would rather hear your perspective first.
Well Spoken….. The article also fits Vietnam quite well….. After living here for a number of years I concur, life and fitting the culture really is more about questions than answers, when you try so hard to wear your Vietnamese face only to be continually be reminded you are not never will be Vietnamese….. You get to the point you can’t conscience the “rude behaviour”, which you know many locals also hate….. then you can’t hold back on defending someone weaker (less imposing) than you, only to discover your assistance is considered more rude than the initial behaviour…… Yes indeed….. The only people with all the answers are the newbies or those who live in expat land and see the world through air conditioned windows.
Casual Adventurer - The only thing you can do is to improve your own behavior toward others, and to never be rude to others who have not been rude to you.
Being a white face in Asia, I’ve often been standing in line to make a purchase and have been cut off by a local (or a Chinese/Vietnamese tourist). I’m the quiet type, so I don’t typically make a fuss. It’s only when I’m in a hurry that I speak up or make a well heard attempt to call out the person who cut in front of me. If I’m not in a hurry then I let it slide, but I hold no respect for those without manners. It’s always nice, however, when the cashier notices that I was cut off and makes a wonderful effort to ignore the person who cut in front of me. Literally, the cashier will take my order as if looking straight through the person standing in front of me who cut me off. Such has only happened in Thailand so far.
Hey Jeremy,
That definitely is a good feeling - cashiers putting assholes in their place. It has happened about 10-15% of the times people have obviously cut in China, so more than a handful of times.
This is a good article. When I first arrived in Shanghai nine months ago I thought that people were extremely rude. Now, I find myself doing many of the things they do(except for the spitting). At first I tried to turn the other cheek and be polite, but now its like “would they do the same for me?” probably not.
Hi Neffy - These days very little phases or bothers me here… guess you just get used to a new normal.
Now I never get upset and then do something rude on purpose (in fact I try to be polite when it won’t result in me getting pushed out of the way, etc)… it’s just limited to accidental bump & run stuff.
Strange how your perspective continually changes.