The REAL History Of The Great Wall of China

Do you know the real history of the Great Wall of China?

Despite thousands of years of scholarship about the history of the Great Wall of China, no one seems to be getting its ~~story~~ history right, so hopefully this article will help clarify things for you.

You see, the Great Wall of China wasn’t constructed to keep Northern barbarian invaders (from the Xiongnu to the Mongols and Manchus) out. No, it was built to keep out far more terrifying invaders out.

The Giant Threat

During the reign of Emperor Nasi Goreng of the Mung Dynasty, a giant rabbit invasion threatened all of China. The rabbits, originally a gift from Marco Polo to the nomadic tribes of present day Mongolia, had mutated into a vicious, violent strain, and bred across all of Northern China.

Initially the giant rabbits were scared off by Nasi Goreng’s army of Terrocata warriors placed in strategic farm plots in Northern China, but eventually they grew bold, ignored the fake soldiers, and spread further south.

Everywhere they went they ate up the crops of local peasant farmers, biting off the arms and fingers of those farmers that tried to fend off the marauding rabbits.

And The Rabbits Spread…

Casualities were sustained when using the Emperor’s real army to attack the rabbits, and they bred too quickly to kill them off with direct warfare. In fact, the rabbits continued to spread further South until a crucial victory at Shanghai Guan, when it was discovered that carrots could distract the evil rabbits long enough to quickly kill them off.

Unfortunately, the rabbits still bred too fast to completely keep them out of China, so finally, in the year 1285, Emperor Nasi Goreng consripted a labor force of three billion workers to construct the Great Wall of China and prevent further waves of giant rabbit invasions.

Since most people will not believe such a fantastic story without proper references, please take the video below as absolute evidence of this revision of history: